This section lists helpful tactics that you can use regardless of whether you are using an engaged or neglectful parenting style.
Monopolise Emotions
The only emotions that matter or indeed truly exist are yours. Your child will try to put some on themselves, but stand your ground and enmesh them in yours so that they act like your little amplifier. Just as your child should not have a full sense of self, they should also not cultivate a complex emotional landscape of their own as this would run at odds with your all-encompassing, bigger, more important emotions.
Get in the front seat, grab the steering wheel and override your child's fledgling little emotions with the brunt of your adult ones. They do not stand a chance and you can build and indoctrinate your little cult following further every day.
Get in the front seat, grab the steering wheel and override your child's fledgling little emotions with the brunt of your adult ones. They do not stand a chance and you can build and indoctrinate your little cult following further every day.
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Consistent InconsistencyMix things up: just because something is forbidden once, does not mean it always needs to be forbidden. Conversely, specific behaviours that are sometimes desirable can simply be irritating and punishable at other times. Keep your child guessing! This will keep them on their toes, never taking your goodwill for granted. The added layer of insecurity will help make them that much easier to manipulate. Never Quite EnoughFor maximum efficiency and subtle, yet lasting oppression, let your child know in hundreds of different ways that even their best will never be quite good enough. After all, you had such a fantastic future planned for them, and they have consistently disappointed you by attempting to have their own ideas and character. Be sure to communicate your mixed feelings whenever your child presents achievements in an attempt to win your love and affection. If you cannot be bothered to overtly belittle their efforts, respond with a platitude in a tone that is at best indifferent. Scattered Glimpses of HopeConditioning works best if there are at least rare occasions where your child sees a bit of hope glimmering at the horizon. For this reason, even if you have opted for a neglectful style, it is important to drop the odd comment or glance that suggests you might love them for their own sake every now and then. That hope can be quashed again at your whim, but it will nevertheless ensure that you child will not give up trying to please you. Research has shown that infrequent, but irregular rewards have the most impact. Keep a balance of rare positives and frequent negatives. Advanced Accounting and ROIYour child should pay forever for your decision to procreate. This tremendous debt can be repaid in myriad ways:
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Take Matters Into Your Own HandsNothing teaches your child that you are the only centre of the universe like ripping things from their hands and doing it yourself. This not only cements your role as the capable, competent leader of the household, it also discourages your child from venturing out and seeking independence. Depending on your personal preferences, you can either do this benevolently ("here, let me do that") or maliciously ("I'll do it, you obviously aren't capable"). Plausible Deniability: How Far to GoYou will need to develop a keen sense for how close to the line you can tread. How insulting and hurtful can you be while preserving full deniability of your actions? If and when your child attacks you later on for your supposedly poor parenting, you will want to believably state that they are remembering things incorrectly, misinterpreting your actions grossly and/or that you never did whatever it is they are accusing you of.
How far you can go strongly depends on the gullibility of your child and how effectively you have taught them to believe in your caring persona and the extent to which they doubt themselves, their memories and their rational thinking. Read more:
The Selfless ChildPlanting your own self and thoughts and dreams into your child requires the receiving vessel to be empty. Discourage the development of an own sense of self in your child as this will only hamper your efforts, take up time and energy to counteract and result in a patchwork personality. That pesky sense of self can be avoided by never asking your child how they are or what they think about things. Take no interest in their interests, pay no heed to their hobbies or dislikes. On all levels, just ignore any nascent sense of self that your child may exhibit. Paying attention to it, even in order to undermine it, will only suggest to your child that they have a self. Superiority Through InferiorityInstilling life-long inferiority complexes is a sure-fire way of securing your position. Consider combining different tactics and targeting various areas of your child's life:
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Playground Ploys
People do not outgrow their susceptibility to schoolyard-style mocking. What worked back then will work now, on your child. If your child behaves in a manner you disapprove of and other forms of reprimand are not effective, resort to the playground toolbox of taunts:
- Children react very strongly to ridicule, derision and contempt, so these can be used to underline how daft their silly choices are. They work especially well on school-age children who have begun to understand the concept of self esteem (or lack thereof) at the hands of their peers.
- Just as the clique of popular but mean girls will bad-mouth the class outcast within earshot, you can bad-mouth your child together with a different family member or other ally to take the pressure up a notch.
- When your child reaches an age where they think they can argue their choices and preferences rationally with you, ape whatever they say back in a childish voice. Imitating them like this will put them back in their proper place as your child, nullifying their attempts to grow up and behave like adults. It has the positive side effect that you do not need to deal at all with whatever nonsense your child is spouting.
Playing it up with PlatitudesYour child may occasionally bring up topics or accusations you do not wish to deal with. If laying down a tantrum or the silent treatment are not your style, toss out a couple of easy platitudes instead. The yellow press and women's magazines for example provide a treasure trove of prefabricated phrases for almost any occasion. These phrases often underline parental authority and bolster your position of power, without requiring much thought or effort on your part. Flinging such phrases out carelessly also drives home the point that your child's concerns are negligible. |
Manifold MantrasMany cultures recognise the power of mantras. The repetition of certain phrases has long been understood to have a tremendous impact on the psyche. Mantras not only help you focus on yourself as the centre of power, they also support your efforts to condition your child thoroughly and lastingly. In the right dose, your child will hear your mantras ringing through the back of their mind for the rest of their days, guiding their every thought and action. Pick your mantras with care; they should motivate your child to do their utmost to meet your expectations. |