Even a perfect parent will have certain aspects they really do not want discussed, least of all by their children.
Tactical Silence on Selected Topics
Human civilisation has long thrived on the institution and maintenance of a culture of taboos. Some issues are so secret and strategic that they must never be discussed out loud or even hinted at. Here are some things that should never see the light of day in your family:
Parental FlawsThe child's faulty bits and behaviour are fair game, but this is not a two-way street. As a parent, you are sacrosanct and the sole dispenser of criticism. You can enforce radio silence on your shortcomings through various means, including harsh punishment or by discouraging your child from ever rocking the boat. Many children are naturals at peacekeeping and will do their utmost to help preserve quiet and avert arguing. |
"Normal"Your child will inevitably compare your family and household to others at some point and might notice that things are run a bit differently elsewhere. Recruit your child to uphold your bright, shiny facade by modelling the desired behaviour: never let strangers see the real state of your home life, polish all outward appearances, present this as the natural order. If you act like this is simply the done thing, your child will blithely assume that all families do this. |
No CommentChildren pick up on what is and what is not a suitable topic of conversation from their parents. If you completely avoid certain topics, always and forever, your child might not even notice the giant white elephant in the room. As the parent, you determine the range of what is possible to talk about. This is an area that does require a certain amount of consistency and discipline on your side. You can avoid sensitive, undesirable topics by focusing on humdrum, mundane and inane topics instead. |
Shout-out to ShameShame and guilt are valuable currency in keeping your child silent on topics you do not want others to hear about. If your child is ashamed enough by their own inadequacy and the role they themselves play in the shameful activity or state of affairs, you can rest assured they will not start telling outsiders about it. This is ideal and costs you the least effort in maintaining a happy facade and covering up any blemishes. Shame is easy to instil: give your child the feeling that they brought it all on themselves, make them co-conspirators, undermine their sense of self worth and - perhaps most effective of all - get them to enjoy the abuse. |
Silent TreatmentChildren are highly susceptible to tactics like the silent treatment and withdrawal of love and attention. Silence is a simple but effective means of keeping them clamouring for your affection and always trying their best. It has the added advantage that you do not need to come up with spurious excuses, troublesome tales or extemporaneous exonerations. You can just retreat into your mental happy place, leaving your child confused, hurt and trying to figure out what they said or did that was wrong. Used consistently, this method will deter your child from venturing into your minefields in the first place. |